beach*] l o v e

11.09.2005

hello.
I've MOVED.

[flashes of your shadow]
at Wednesday, November 09, 2005

11.06.2005

just came home. was out almost the whole day. missed learning lab's science so i have to replace. shopped for new year's clothes. =)) haha. i think i'm into flair skirts now. haha. i'm probably gonna pierce my belly tmr. damn nervous but i'm more of excited. hahaha!! cant wait!! i'm still bothered by this little bug who backstabs it's friends. like wth. i dun wanna give a hoot abt it already. i hope. that. it gets what it wants and live happily ever after. i am just so tired of being a. err. cant think of the word. but i just hate it so much when ppl lie to me.so so much. and i dun give a hoot if it reads this cos i dun really value our friendship or trust it anymore. i used to think we had this lil sth btw us. i guess not anymore. it din treasure it as much as i did. den too bad la. it came and flew away. and it's never coming back. i wont let it.

[flashes of your shadow]
at Sunday, November 06, 2005

i'm speechless. i'm appalled. i'm pissed off. and i'm VERY hurt.

gonna take a bath to sort out my thoughts.

[flashes of your shadow]
at Sunday, November 06, 2005

10.22.2005

damn tiring day.

woke up early to go to sch to train for captain's ball. it was really tiring. haha. got all sweaty and all that. drenched in sweat. haha. mdm khoo is so nice! serene nic and grace soh never brg pinafore and she didnt book. she asked them to do forfeit but they din in the end cos she forgot. after we pracised, she gave us bread to eat. hahaha. peanut butter and margerine.

then headed to parkway(again!!) with grace nic and joan. played cards at mph while waiting for joce. she took damn long to come. when she finally arrived, we went to the foodcourt to eat. den walked ard. like ytd. same places. boring. den went to the arcade. we sat outside to discuss wad to do. it was a super long discussion cos we can never agree on sth. finally we decided to change then go. all but joan. she's lazy. haha. i played one pathetic game then went outside and sat with joan and talked. when the rest came out, we went to joce hse. went to cold storage first to buy snacks. den me abd grace swam. for like. 10 mins? den went to the jacuzzi to rest. cos there was sun there and we both wanted to get tan. haha. den joan came. she sat at the edge and talked with us. den joce and nic came. they three were feeding me and grace. put the food in our mouths. haha. cos we were in the pool, and couldnt eat. den talked and talked and talked then they went back to the umbrella tables. me and grace continued to laze ard in the jacuzzi and talk. then some idiot came along and on the jacuzzi and sat there. wahlao. so oblivious to our presence liddat. selfish!! but we just stayed there. haha. den joan came and we three were talking and tallking. haha. den we got up and went back to joce's hse.i bathed then grace bathed. then watched tv. mr bean and phil of the future. haha. after the rest left, there was some short circuit cos of the rice cooker. the tv was switched off. after a while everything was back to normal. haha.

mummy and daddy and bro came to pick me up. den went to siglap for dinner. i ate so much man. jeez. den during dinner mummy announced we wont be going LA and las vegas anymore. i was like, wth!!! wahlao!! cheat me! make me happy den dashed my hopes!! i was kinda pissed for a while. i was so looking forward. but mummy wants to do the renovations when the tenant moves out of our new hse. damn. but daddy said i could follow him when he go overseas to work and he'll give me money to spend so i guess it wont be so bad. sigh. but singapore's boring. damn boring. i cant stand it here. i really cant. bored of everywhere in singapore. tiny puny small minute country. pathetic.

[flashes of your shadow]
at Saturday, October 22, 2005

10.18.2005

went to escape toay. so fun! haha. i got burnt though. my chest and back is red. and darker.

daddy sent me to pasir ris mrt station to meet joan and joce. i was a lil late but when i got there, they were still at tenah merah. sigh. so i waited. finally they came and we took a bus to escape. waited some more. for dah nic grace tan and grace soh. haha. joan got a impatient waiting. hahaha. she was complaining and all. when they came, we entered. took.. um.. viking first. me and joce made a mistake of sitting the third last seat. omg you noe how scary that was?? eek!!!! omgomgomg. i was so scared!!! screaming and screaming. ahhh!! den joan go and mess up my hair for dunno wad shit reason. lol. we sat agn. this time we sat at the center. it was not that scary, but i was still damn scared. still screaming. then we went to the go kart. it was fun!!! but it's damn slow. i think australia's adventure world is faster. joan din sit tho. she sat on the bench and read. den we sat.. er.. oh! alpha 8. went twice. sat with joce. i hurt myself. and sitting in the front is painful. and a lil scary. it feels like the whole thing is gonna fly off. den everyone except me and joce went on the inverter. we sorta screamed cos we felt scared for them. i told joce at first when she said, i think i'll scream, cos i feel scared for them, that if we scream it'll look stupid but when they turned 360degrees i was like, ahh!!!! damn. den we went on revolution. haha me and nic ended up talking abt sceneries, cos the clouds were so nice. den went on kite flyer. when i last came to escape, i think that was pri6 after psle, it seemed fun and scary. but now it's damn lame. couldnt wait to get off it. haha. den went on bumper boat. got soaked. den wet and wild. den err.. viking? again. sat in the center again. and still screamed so much. den lunch at burger king. den flipper. i realised that it was fun after the second ride. i was so freaked when i first went on. and grace tan was whoo-ing all the way. i was wondering why she wasnt scared. haha. sat agn. den went to inverter, me and joce still din sit. we queued for wet and wild. den sat and got wet agn. den went to haunted hse. omg. that is the WORST of all!!!! ahhhh!!!!! i regret man!!! bloody frigging hell!!!

when we queued up i was still calm and composed. i din understand why everyone was argueing who go first and stuff. i thot it's just a place where there will be a few machines and pictures and some mirrors. and it'll be dim. God. i was damn WRONG!!!omgomgomgomg. i think that attraction should be closed forever!! IT'S TRAUMATISING!!! how can pri1 kids go in??? we're like sec2 and still damn scared!!! when we went in i heard the rest scream so i grabbed joce's hand. we wanted to go out and i did but decided to just give it a shot. den i saw sth move. i was so shocked!! this time i really wanted to go out then i heard the door SLAM. so had no choice. i was like the last!! and this asshole figure was swaying behind me!! it was a human. i wasnt thinking straight so i was terrified and lean on everyone. i was holding joce's hand throughout the whole thing. it was totally DARK, darker than alpha 8 i cant see anything!! know how bloody helpless i felt?? couldnt see anyone, couldnt see anything!! except glow in the dark stuff. grace tan's white shirt glowed. than i was screaming her name. tearing like shit. i just wanted to squat down there and cry my heart out. but i din cos i got this image in my mind that that asshole figure will come a squat beside me and put it's hideous face in front of mine. ahh!! i was screaming at the top of my lungs. and i grasped everybody and leant on everyone. i dare not walk on my own. i just depended on everyone for support to walk. omg.. i feel like crying now.. that's how freaked i was.. and that's just the first corridor. den e enter a prison cell. got two moving prisoners. think they're machines. i couldnt think properly. i just wanted to get out of that shit place. it was like hell. seriously.then there was this place where a machine was behind and we were all screaming and stuff and this mirror on the wall. omg it was so scary!! den there was another room where dah was standing beside the curtains and i saw this figure looming there. none of us dared to open the curtains. den dah fling it open and we went through. thank GOD there's no figures. it was a machine, a prisoner shaking and trying to get his chains of his wrists. and there were lights like lightning. it stopped moving and we wanted to go on but it started agn. dammit!! den there was this bend. like another side of the wall. i was so scared sth's gonna jump out and scare us. i dared not move. i was feeling so frigging helpless!!! i dared not move back or forward!! i was shivering like shit! and i could feel my whole body trembling. omg!! so damn terrifying!! i'm scared!! den we ran and screamed throughout the whole thing until the exit. there was nothing much. i think the human knew we were damn frightened already and so he din continue STALKING us. you know how damn bloody relieved i felt to see the open?? the other innocent parts of escape. no longer in that shit haunted house!! we burst out of the door shrieking like shit. i was so so so so happy to be out of the house!! it's scary!! and traumatising!! we walked a lil before i collapsed on the floor. my legs were trembling so much from all that horror and running that i cant go one more step. joce came down beside me. she was crying.. i almost did too, inside, but i was so happy we were out!! out and free!!! and i'm never everevereverever stepping in that shit place agn man!! if i'm put in there alone, i'd start crying straightaway. even with 6 other ppl i'm so damn scared, if i'm alone i might die of fear. unless maybe i grow braver. which might just never happen. i hate it man!!! i hate it so much!!! one of the scariest moments in my life. i din even recall being so terrified recently. argh it sucks!!! it's evil man!!! so we sat there for a while then decided to take a happy ride.

flipper!! i sat with nic. talked and complained abt the haunted hse. i didnt even scream once during the ride.and i screamed like hell the first time. that was how not scary it was compared to haunted hse. seriously. den we took ferris wheel. me and joan rocked the carriage and got scolded by the guy. hahaha. den took revolution. din scream too. closed my eyes during the whole thing. and tried not to think of the haunted house. den went on the aeroplane thing. i sat behind. it was damn crammed. haha. den i tried inverter. closed my eyes during the whole thing. it's nice! not scary. but when i opened i almost screamed so i shut it back close. den went to the arcade. played there then sat on the floor to play braidge and taiti. den went home with joce and joan. in the mrt station we sat on the chair and played taiti. haha. but we stopped playing at simei cos it started getting crowded. talked abt haunted house. i think if we were to ever go back there agn, it would be fun to dress up as ghosts and stuff too, to scare them! then kick their legs and walk off. and bring stuff to throw at them. hahahaha. even machines. we all got off at paya lebar.

in the bus, there was one stop when this... abnormal woman got up. um.. i think she's.. retarded. yeah. she was really weird and looked over at my messages and the other woman beside her when she was smsing. when i did stuff she'll look and stare. i looked up at her and she gave me this BIGG smile. i didnt know what to bloody do la. wanted to get off and take another bus cos i felt very very restricted. i dared not do anything cos i dont want her to stare. when i got off at my stop i was damn happy! haha. but t i started being scared agn cos i was locked outside my condo and it was damn dark! it was 7.50+ when i got there. so i called my maid to brg down tasha so i can walk her. went for a long walk. started jogging halfway cos the air was so nice! haha. then went back home.

[flashes of your shadow]
at Tuesday, October 18, 2005

10.17.2005

checking my bro's work now. decided to take a break. hmm. got back english papers today. not satisfied with my results. at all. =( din go swimming after all. brought my stuff for nothing. after school we(grace soh nic joce and me) went to parkway for lunch. ate at mos burger. it was messy. before that we shopped ard to find cards. cos initially, we had planned to go changi to play cards and talk. take the skytrain back and forth and back and forth. couldnt find. went like, everywhere on level one and there isnt one shop which sells a pack of cards. hmm. so we went for lunch. after that we walked back to the bus stop to take a bus to tenah merah mrt station. on the way, there's a shop which sold a poker cards!! haha. yay. so we bought and went to the bus stop. we took 31. it was kinda empty, so we sat facing each other and used grace's bag as the stabliser? haha. cos it was 17 stops away. haha. so we played bridge all the way there. and when we went to tenah merah mrt, while waiting for the train we also sat down and play. den when the train came, it was so damn empty. woots!! we went right to the end and sat and played. sat on the floor, next to the driver's door. haha. played bridge agn. den decided to go to airport, and back to tenah mereah agn. lol!! we went back and forth, back and forth. for quite a number of times. haha. at the same spot. lol. then played taiti. on the way back to tenah merah at expo, a bunch a guys came in. they saw us playing and were like, "hey, can we play too? with money!" in the hooligan sorta voice. haha. we ignored them. they made a hell lotta noise.when they got out, it was peace agn. haha. the driver had to walk from end to end in the train every two stops to switch sides. haha so poor thing. like how many times a day man. haha.
i think i love you.. i really do.. why cant you just share the same sentiments? we dun talk to each other anymore. i miss the old times a lot. can we go back into the past together? i miss you so much. gosh.. i'm so down these few days. really wanna be with you.and i really want you to noe how i feel. den maybe you can stop being so unaware..

[flashes of your shadow]
at Monday, October 17, 2005

10.16.2005

huhh. whatever.

[flashes of your shadow]
at Sunday, October 16, 2005

was feeling really crappy just now. i was damn snappish to everyone. i dunno why. maybe it's cos of the shitty weather. or maybe it's cos of some ppl's cluelessness. i cant stand it. i hate ignorance so much. i think everything adds up. argh. i felt better after dinner. eating always cheers me up. but now i'm feeling crappy agn. i hate this. some things are just reeeeaaally getting on my nerves. i dunno why. i'm in a rather pmssy mood right now, and i just need to vent. oh. going swimming tmr. wif anna and jana. yay! haha. just finished packing. just haf to hope and pray that the weather allows. haha. i've cheered up a bit. haha. yay.

[flashes of your shadow]
at Sunday, October 16, 2005

10.12.2005

yay. finals are over!! yeayea!! bye stress!! bye studying!! hahaha. chi was okay, i guess. i understood all the compres. i think that's enough for me. since i usually dun. lol. after the paper we went to orchard. me nic joce joan grace soh veron and germaine. went to cine and bought the tics for into the blue. den decided bought food and drinks. den went in. cos it was an 11a.m. show. the movie's nice. jessica alba is so chio!! her body's so toned. i was kinda scared at some part. cos there were sharks and all. and when the shark bit amanda's leg, her whole thigh was like bleeding.. gross. after that we walked over to heeren and took neos. den walked over to paragon den to taka. we bought ice cream and went to kino. sat and talked and read. we took like so many mags!! and i din even touch one. lol. den veron and germaine left. the rest of us continued to read den after an hour or so, we put back everything den went to city hall. from there, we walked to suntec den to melinia. went to candy empire. it's bloody cool. i wanna own the shop. hahaha. den while joce and nic cut their hair, me joan and grace went to the food junction the eat. we shared a plate of chicken rice and a bowl of fishball noodles. haha. we were dividing it there. lol. so we sat and talked and ate. for quite a while until joce and nic came up. it wasnt much of a dif, but they sure did looked nice. haha. den took a shuttle bus to city hall, den headed home. haha. was supposed to go to escape today, but it was bloody closed. damn.

[flashes of your shadow]
at Wednesday, October 12, 2005

10.09.2005

went to watch peter pan today at the esplanade. it's so damn awesome. the lights and all. damn cool. and they like make the audience area part of the stage too. at one point, the lost boys were creeping up at the audiences. haha. and the dances were so so so NICEE!!!! omg!! esp the mermaid dance!! damn nice!! and the songs were nice too. i bought the soundtrack. listening now. haha.i wanna watch agn man, i think it'll be worth it. mummy's club latin dance instructor is in the performance. he acted as a pirate. heh.

after the show went for lunch before walking ard esplanade then headed to tuition. kay, gonna continue doing last minute revision. eeks.

[flashes of your shadow]
at Sunday, October 09, 2005

10.07.2005

had fun today.. sorta. math was... err. okay la. after the ppr wanted to go study. dunno wad was wrong with joan. whole day kp saying, "I really dont understand why you stand when you can sit." den she'll plonk herself down. hahaha. anyways, we din study la. joan walked home with ally. me joce nic din noe where to go. wanted town, library or cafe. but we were damn scared cant concentrate. so we decided the best was to go home. so me and joce said bye to nic an crossed the road. when we pushed the door to day and night open, we realised we both got no lunch at home. so we closed it and walked over to spc. hahaha. i suggested after lunch can study science. joce agreed. haha yay. but she was like, "study at spc??" with that weird look on her face. hahaha. in the end we still did. bought so many stuffies to eat. went to the cashier like. 5 times? lol. den sat down and ate, den studied. bought this weird raw seaweed thing. it is. retarded. hahaha. joce likes it tho. she's gonna buy agn on mon. haha. anyways. halfway when we were testing each other, we wanted to go the the washroom. we were too lazy to go back to school, so we asked the cashier if there is any toilet there. she said yes and gave us a key. on a stick. hahahaha. walked behind to find. some indian workers were there. we couldnt open the washroom's door so one of them helped us. i went first while joce waited outside. den when i waited, the indian men were going, "RAWR!! ah hah! RAWR!! ah hah!" wahlao i was so scared. hahaha.so when joce came out i was like,"yay finally." haha. went back to spc. got no more mood to study. felt like running so i suggested to go to joce's condo gym to run. before we did that, we bought a box of mini cornettos. hahaha. 12 inside. so 6 each. gosh so sinful. bought it and left. i felt damndamndamn embarrassed holding it cos it was like PUNY!! it's like, 7cm? hahaha. on the way to the bus stop there's this fruit stall. it was closed. so i walked inside and finished my cone. hahahha. den walked to the bus stop. 76 came so we took it. it was kinda empty. so we decided to eat another one. i dunno how joce eat so fast, by the time we reach her stop i was not even 3/4 done. i felt so embarrassed going down the bus holding a bloody PUNY cone. wanted to put in the plastic bag but joce refuses to pas it to me la. wahlao. so i ran outta the bus. eek. den when we were crossing the road, i put the cone near my mouth and opened it, ready to take a lick den you noe joce did???? OMG!! it's appalling!! that WOMAN reached over and smacked the damn thing inside my mouth la!! thank God i reacted fast enough and the whole thing din go in, no matter wad she says. i laughed all the way to her house. which is damn far from the bus stop, mind you.i laughed and laughed and laughed. gosh. my cheek bones, throat and stomach ached from all the laughing la. haha. den wanted to TRY to finish the ice cream so we sat by the pool and continued studying and eating. couldnt finish, so joce's maid came down to collect it. den me and joce went to the gym to work out and run. tested each other at the same time. haha. den joce suggested to go swimming. since the water looked so inviting, i agreed. we went up to her house to change and stuff den went down agn. omg the environment is so damn nice la!! the breeze!! so cool. so we lied down on the chairs and studied somemore.den finally took off our clothes and swam. there's like this woman who swam so S L O W L Y!!!!!! wahlao!! so relaxed.. like she dun give a shit that me and joce wanna swim past her. tsk. joce was laughing at her. hahahahha. den we went to the deep end. reminded me of last time we swam with gen and nic too. hahahaha. joce taught me how to trek. yay. haha. den played at the slide and stuff. baby slide. den continued playing until 3.50 den went up. i bathed and stuff. den studied somemore. in tota, studied 12 chaps today!!! omg, such an accomplishment!! whee. ate more icecream and 1/2 bow of chocolates that joce's dad bought. den ard almost 5 i left. joce walked me to the bus stop and 70 came right on time. wooty. okay, i'm off to mug. ta.

[flashes of your shadow]
at Friday, October 07, 2005

10.02.2005

stressed. i'm so so so so so behind schedule. haf not started on chinese yet. gosh. i'm so dead!! argh. just decided i nd for time. to study. i'm not prepared to sit for it. thank God chinese is the last paper. gosh i'm feeling so sad.. is it cos of you? i dun want. i hate the fact that you're controlling my emotions. i was so happy and hyper just now. and now i'm so down. i feel like crying. and the worse thing is, if my tears fall, it wont be cos of finals. it'll be cos of you. you always make me feel so sad. i dun understand why. could you please leave me alone? please? quit bugging me. i dun want to be like this anymore. in this sad sad self-pity state. i hate it.

[flashes of your shadow]
at Sunday, October 02, 2005

9.27.2005

geog ca's over. yay. like finally. haha. there's..ard 5 more to go. i think. God i've been so damn stressed out lately. and i'm WAY behind schedule. oh man. eek. and finals are like starting 3 days later. ohwells. i shall just look forward to the period after finals. yay. can slack and slack and slack.

damn.damndamndamn. i feel so sad. i thought i have moved on. but.. i dunno if i had. argh. i already told joan and joce abt it. i dunno la. maybe.. when i said that i've left it behind me, i was just simply deceiving myself. like i wanna move on so much until i THOT i've moved on. tho i havent. i still have a few tinges of jealousy and sadness and happiness here and there. it's realli a wonder how someone can totally take over my life. this is just so ridiculous man. UTTERLY RIDICULOUS. fuck. fickfuckfuckfucking hell.
wad is this shit.i think i love you... this doesnt make sense. in fact. nothing in life makes sense. at all.

[flashes of your shadow]
at Tuesday, September 27, 2005

9.24.2005

yay! just got home. from salsa class. it was fun!! tee hee. the instructor had to rush to somewhere so we got this replacement teacher. he's funny. haha. like he tells the ladies to feel hot and sexy and tells the men to feel macho. hahaha. damn he's a consultant. only the really advanced ppl go to him and ask him to correct them. haha. he taught us like the attitude and stuff. and he demonstrated how to walk "with style". heh heh.

after that, went to Gallery Hotel. omg it's so cool! the lights so nice!! and it's full glass window. wowee.went to the lounge. it was salsa night. think only 17 or 18 and above can enter. in the car on the way there, i took mummy's make-up pouch and quickly put on make-up. and i borrowed her denim jacket and let my hair down and stuff. yay. so i got in. haha. not allowed to get alcohol tho. lol. stood ard and watch the ppl dance on the dance floor. omg they're like so damn bloody good!! saw my instructor there. heh. he was the emcee i think. and there were like camera ppl. haha. i was hungry so we left.

went for supper den went home. haha.

yeah! i'm forgetting it!! think i've moved on!! ooh wee!!!

[flashes of your shadow]
at Saturday, September 24, 2005

9.21.2005

Gawd. i think i'm in ~~love~~ with you.ugh!!no!! it isnt possible.. what is happening to me...wad's all this self-denial??

[flashes of your shadow]
at Wednesday, September 21, 2005

9.19.2005

why are you doing this to me?? wad the hell did i do man???? i'm asking the same questions to myself over and over again. you're making me suffer this endless misery and you dun give a bloody damn. i thought i have forgotten abt you but i haf not. i haf not bloody forgotten!! cos everytime i see you, i see a glimmer of hope. everytime our eyes meet, i feel my heart flutter. everytime we touch, i feel my skin tingle. God. i'm like this fuckkin loser sitting ard, waiting for you. well, i'm not anymore. i'll try, at least. my heart's ripped into shreds by you. i dun wanna be tortured like this anymore. when i see you having the time of your life, and i'm not in that bloody crowd you noe how awful i feel? but it's not like you give a shit anyway. you can just go ard, prancing and skipping in the sun and under the moonlit night and carrying on wif your bloody fuckkin happy-go-lucky life. suit yourself man. i aint gonna lie in wait for you anymore. i'm hurt enough as it is. i feel so bloody fake and hypocritical in the fuckkin mask i'm wearing everywhere i go. except at home, where i brood all day and just lie ard. cant even study in peace without your bloody image in my mind. you noe how bloody irritated i feel?? you're fuckkin annoying. i dont know why i'm so STUPID to go head over heels with you man. you're not the least bit worth it!
urgh. i cant stand this stress man. eek. finals are just two more weeks. i've GOT to be patient. and wait. darn it.

[flashes of your shadow]
at Monday, September 19, 2005

9.14.2005

when will i ever come to my senses? and stop the way i'm feeling RIGHT NOW! cos this sucks. lyk so much. i hate.hate.hate the way that i'm feeling right now. why? whywhywhywhywhy??? why of all ppl, me? why of all things, that? i'm feeling so uncertain and insecure. and very very very confused. why do i haf all these weird thoughts? all those strange dreams? where do they come from? haha maybe i'll buy a dreamcatcher to stop all these dreams. i cant take it anymore. this adds on to a huge pile of stress, homework, school, etc. i dont know how long i can last like that. can you please stop making me suffer? please? stop pulling me down. stop making me feel this way. this is all your fault. your damn bloody fault. how can you be so ignorant?or are you just simply feigning ignorance? is it so fun to watching me suffer this whole while just for you? i dont think it's fair. i dont think t's fair AT ALL! stop all your bullshit. stop all your childish games. cos i'm SO not interested in them. i noe very well where they'll lead me to, thank you very much. tears and sadness and endless misery, that's where.so kindly stop all this shit. cos i cant take it no more. you and your bloody nonsense. you haf any idea how much you hurt me, over and over again? do you think that i dun haf a heart? do you think that i cant feel? cos i can. and very well i must confess. too well, in fact. to let myself get hurt so many bloody times. by you. sucha worthless thing to get hurt by. but i noe i'll get over it. it's just a matter of time. TIME. how i hate that word. how i detest it. it's passing EVER so slowly, and forcing me to put up wif your bullshit. you dont deserve my attention. you dont deserve my emotions. but you noe wad? you CONTROL them. you're taking over me. you noe wad the worst thing is? i LET you. i actually let you take over and control me. i cant live the way i lived before. i cant smile the way i did before. i cant laugh the way i did before. i wanna cry so fucking badly, but those fucking tears simply REFUSE to flow. i noe that if i cry, i'll feel so much better. so so so much better. and much much much less miserable. i really dont know wad i did wrong to deserve to be treated this way. you can just go on like everyting's normal. when i cant. i'm in sucha pathetic state. you just sauntered into my life, trample all over my heart, leave your fuckkin footprints, and left. just like that. i feel so bloody used. i feel so bloody toyed. lyk i'm some kinda plushie soft toy you play wif den when you get sick of it, or when you got a new one, you just toss it aside. yeah. that's exactly how i feel. do you know? no. why? cos you're too ignorant, my darling.you're blind. you're so bloody fucking blind! you dont haf any idea how much it hurts, do you? how can i let you have this shit effect on me? i did NOT do anything to make you torment me like that. like a slave. you ALWAYS do the same thing over an over again. whole day whole life. dont you ever get tired of using the same victim? can you change? please? cos i dont enjoy going thru this shit. go find someone else who absolutely love being a slave of your heart. how can you be so mean? if only i'd known this abt you before i feel this way. i'm too deep inside now. i cant come out anymore. i was so stupid. i was so dumb. how could i? you mean freak. hurtful jerk. emotionless asshole. sadistic bitch. calling you names aint making me feel any better. i thotyou had opened your door and let me enter your life. but as usual, i thot wrong. typical.

[flashes of your shadow]
at Wednesday, September 14, 2005

presented geog drama today. screwed it. big time. we did all the super last minute things ytd and spent so much time planning to do what where in the bloody classroom. today, ms rosalie just change the venue of the presentation to the it resource room. what the hell. without notifying us earlier. just change like that. we were supposed to hang up clothes and stuff. and tie yarn and things like that. was very irritated. and in the first place how can we present when joan's throat is sore? she even mentioned that marks were given for the projection of voices. but when we told her joan's throat is sore, she said, oh then joan you come to the middle of the room to say your line. ??? den joan's supposed to just walk out of the presentation to the middle of the it resource room to say her line, den walk back? what is that? then she said, ok girls sit back at your places and think whether you want to present today. then we decided not to. group 2 presented first. then after that we went up and tell her that we needed to make adjustments to the script since the location is changed.she said, sorry girls, but you have to present today. i was thinking, what????? so we had no choice. rant to the classroom, got props ready, changed and ran back to the it resource room. had this feeling in me that we were gonna flop. even tho we dd well for rehearsal ytd after school. and guess what? we flopped. as in really really really performed atrociously. the worst ever. we're gonna be the worst group. during the presentation we were laughing when we're not supposed to, talking, signalling, ahh!!!!!!!!!!!!i wanna rewind time. so we can do it again. we even forgot which scene is when.and the space allowance in the it resource room is way too little. hmph!!! and joan painted a car. we did not use it. we made a bandage. also did not use it. sigh. sucha disappointment. we thought we could use props to make up for our super short script, but. i dont think so anymore. and it's 50%. i did really badly for my ca. i needed this to pull me up. i dont think it can anymore. i can say goodbye to going to a geog class next yr.

had tuition after school. forgot to brg foolscap. eek. how absent-minded of me. the most impt in math tuition.ugh.

[flashes of your shadow]
at Wednesday, September 14, 2005

9.10.2005

this is the worst holiday ever. the worst.

[flashes of your shadow]
at Saturday, September 10, 2005

9.03.2005

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

made this for gen. she made smt else for us. yay! so sweet.. ilu genffi!

[flashes of your shadow]
at Saturday, September 03, 2005

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

made this for gen. she made smt else for us. damn sweet. ilu genffi!

[flashes of your shadow]
at Saturday, September 03, 2005

9.02.2005

whee! hols are starting. we had dance today. and i strained my muscle. at this rate, i can never ever ever ever dance to my satisfaction. and it's my right leg muscle. wth. fuck it. when will it ever heal?? i always envy my other classmates every fri. last period. it's always lit, mrs lim period. we'll shout thank god it's friday. haha. but i can never shout. never. =( cos i noe there's dance later and i'll be so tired after dat. sigh. even today, when it is the last day of school. still got dance. and everyone was shouting and screaming. wahlao. fuck. i really dread straining my muscle and not being able to walk properly. argh. i cant stand it. why?? when will my bloody fucking leg heal????????? argh!!!! i'm bloody pissed! feel lyk a fucking handicapped asshole. =(( i'm sad.

on a lighter note, i did ok for this term! yay! was surprised when i got my progress report. din expect. seeing that i did lyk shit for english and science. wahlao . now even my chinese is better than english! lol. it's weird. hella.

i made a timetable again. but seeing how unsuccessful the last one was, i'm praying i'll keep to this. really. i'm scared the slacking part of me take over. haha.

bloody nervous for tmr.

[flashes of your shadow]
at Friday, September 02, 2005

8.28.2005

argh!!! i cant stand it! i hate this shit!! why do i feel this way?? and why of ALL ppl, it must be ME? it's impossible.

i dun think i am.

or at least. i hope. i'm not.

[flashes of your shadow]
at Sunday, August 28, 2005

damn disappointed.

wif myself.

fuck.

=(

[flashes of your shadow]
at Sunday, August 28, 2005

why am i feeling this way?

i dun understand.

[flashes of your shadow]
at Sunday, August 28, 2005

8.26.2005

yay! we won zany!! wif 2/6. gosh! so damn unbelieveable! whee!!!!! we wore black tops and skirts and ties and headbands. and strips of cloth all over. and mine flew away when we were playing at the beach. a little caucasian kid picked it up and played wif it. lol. gosh. still cant believe we won.. so all those staying backs for recess and after school, meeting ups were not wasted. yay!! we din think dat we would win. haha. but we did! yay!

we went to joce hse after sch ytd to do the last minute stuffs( which we din even use.). when i came out of the studio after dance, i saw nic joce joan running to me and were damn frantic. they were lyk, "sorry steph.. we made a damn big mistake. we did smt very very bad. sorry...." so i went to see wad happened. they had bought 40 damn hideous hats. horrendous. ew. i was shocked when i saw them. damn shocked. they decided to go to joce hse to paint and make them nicer. went to the swings. den we showed dahlia grace tan ally the hats. grace and dah came to joce's hse too. ordered pizza. eeps. on d way there, i as lyk thinking how impossible it was to actually make them nice overnight. it would be a miricle. we promised each other not to play and slack ard. nic made me promise not to dance and made joan promise not to read mags(which is wad she whole day whole life does when we stay back for whatever). but i was slacking away. den i decided to help! got a pair of scissors and cut up hats into masks. haha. left at 9.10. freaking late rite!!!! i was damn bloody freaked out!!! wanted to call cab but joan said it was dangerous. decided to just take bus home. i waited damn long for d 76. but 70 came instead. so i took that. i had a pointy cap, a loooong pair of scissors in the bag i was carrying. planned to stab anyone who dared to come near. hahaha. i was so scared!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!=((( it was my first time i stayed after school until so damn bloody late!! only reached home at 10.15??? damn bloody dark. but the damn bus was so crowded. couldnt get a seat so i stood. talked to joan d whole way. haha! until i reached home. hee. was talking abt random stuff. haha.

went to parkway after sch todae to get bangles and earrings and shades and thick hair bands. only managed to get earrings. from mini toons. and normal hairbands from chameleon or smt. den rushed to east coast. dressed up and prepared and things lyk that. God! i was bloody nervous. i fucking messed up during the performance. fuck! =(((( the oomph ahh part. dammit fuck fuck. but at least we still won. yay! =))

went back to parkway. joan needed to go for dinner so i was just me joce nic. ate, walked ard, left. missed a 76. so we waited and waited. oh! and percy pig finally came back in stock! got to eat it. yay!

the bus ride was scary. =( gosh. so bloody empty. so diff from ytd.was freaked out. again. talked to joce until home. whee! so it lessened my fear. a little. heh.

damn bloody beat now. it was a long week. now dat zany's over, i can put my mind to studying. good!=)

[flashes of your shadow]
at Friday, August 26, 2005

8.23.2005

huh. my maid just woke me up cos i crashed on the sofa after talking to joce. i was already trying to ignore tasha sniffing my hand then when i slept she woke me up saying that if i slp now later i cant slp den tmr it's hard for me to get up. argh. wad shit la. was damn inactive just now on the fone. hahahaha. poor joceffi. talking to herself. and trying to whistle. but i was damn tired la. i might be going to turn in early tonight.. =))

[flashes of your shadow]
at Tuesday, August 23, 2005

argh i'm so damn pissed off and sick and tired of everything so just

LEAVE

ME

ALONE!

[flashes of your shadow]
at Tuesday, August 23, 2005

8.22.2005

c'mon tears!

fall! fall! fall!

drip! drip! drip!

you'll make me feel better.

cos i cant feel any worse now.

[flashes of your shadow]
at Monday, August 22, 2005

ponned dance. to do zany. feel so bad. =(

we(me dahlia joan joce nic) finished up first banner and completed second. i think dahlia did the second one all on her own. the first one is reeeeeeeeeeaaaaallllii nice. yayy!!!!! joan and nic painted the background black while me and dah choreographed the steps. er. i think dah choreographed. i just sat there. and laughed. and she walked out on me so many times k!!!! =((( cos she thinks i was luffin at her. actually, i just cant imagine the class doing all those steps. ahahahaha. damn funny. at least. to me. lol. she kept asking wad it means if i luffed the heeheehee way. haha!! hopefully tmr jana can help me choreo. hopefully. will you, janaffi??? haha.

at the beginning part i was damn sad cos my maid told me i got no letter. when will they ever send??? kns. =((

but i helped drawing the polka dots on the first banner. whee! i think it rawks! damn fucking nice!!! dah and joan pinned both the banners at the back of the class. we left at... 6.45? wahlao. and the damn 76 take so long to come. waited for...15 mins?? haha. when i reached home it was damn bloody dark. thank God i brought keys. if not cant open my gate den i stuck outside my condo i'll die. of fear.

i was kinda sad. just now. so i was reading and eating dinner. den joce called me. haha. her bubbly voice makes me luff. can imagine her head at sims ville talking to me. her head is so huggable!!!!!!!!! whee!!!!!!!!!!!!!

during math i was damn sad cos my results so low. i wont do well this yr la. results for ca are lyk shit can!!!!! fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!! felt lyk crying. cos i was so dissapointed in myself. seriously. i slacked lyk shit this yr. i'm deproving lyk shit. fuckkit!!! but jana and joan talked to me and stuff so i felt better. and joce let me hug her head!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! whee!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she was kinda reluctant but she still let me hug!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yay!!! haha. me and her are being so retarded lately. lyk staring at each other lyk we were lovers. ahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!! biggest joke of the century man. lol!

i'm gonna try to think of steps now. tata!

[flashes of your shadow]
at Monday, August 22, 2005

8.21.2005

the past two days were realli busy. haha. wif zany.

[ytd]
went to nic's hse. dah had amazing race in the morn so we went to tm to collect nic's fone and get stuff for iap. went to century square cos someone told me there is a party shop. so me and joce went to search for it but dun haf. so i called tiqah to ask for nazzy's number cos i think nazzy was the one who told me century square had party shop. but couldnt reach nazzy. and tiqah says she think dun haf. huh. so walked back to tm. went to ntuc to buy snacks for later and party stuff. bought balloons. they're so cute!!!! their bunnies!! wif EARS!!! lol. bought 15. din get to buy sticks tho. cos in one pack there is 10 onli. nazzy told me to expect 15 guests. den wad i do wif the extra 5? so i just bought the bunny rabbits. den i realized i did not brg enough cash out.so i couldnt help tiqah buy. sorry tiqah!!! =(( den i paid up and went to Mcs to sit. we blew those balloons there. haha. but some assholes were staring at us cos we took their friends seat. huh. who ask them come so late?? my fault ah? so we left. fuckkums. we went to fox. spent quite sometime there. heh. den went to tanah merah to meet dahlia. we took a bus to nic's hse.

waited for dahlia to draw the banner before we could paint it. i met lao shi there!!! and i just saw her at my hse. lol. talked a lotta crap la. oh! and i got thousand and one mosquito bites!!! kns! so i put on repellant. i was d onli one k. if gen was there she'd put wif me. hmph. den we realized nic's room has two mirrors facing each other and we talked abt beliefs and superstitions and religions and stuff. heh. den mummy and daddy picked me up. i told them abt my plan. they were sad and disappointed in me. i felt so bad. so selfish. =((

[todae]
went for a run when i woke up. wif tasha. she's so ass k. dun wanna run. i had to drag her d whole way. wahlao. den went home and ate my brunch and did some studying. damn little. gosh!! i'm so slack!! finals are just 4 weeks away!!! wad haf i been up to??? argh!!! den bathe and met the rest up ps in spotlight. to do costume. ended up not doing much. just bought one roti prata man skirt. damn. how??? den went for lunch. since i'd already had mine, i just drank a cup of peach tea. den we went back to spotlight. haha. we did smt VERY VERY BAD there. hahahaha. gosh. dahlia's idea. and me and joce kept staring at each other. lame!!! hahaha. she's scary when she stare. reminds me of...skeleton. ahahahahahaha!!!!! she looks possessed. freaky. haha. a few rounds. i won two times. she won once. cos i was distracted. forget by wad. haha. and joan started being weird and singing christmas carols. gosh!! lol. den we left. i had to go for yoga. so i left first. the rest went to mcs i think. nic told me dat at mcs and starbucks, she had to kp footing the bill. hahaha. poor darling. i told her i'd give her a hug tmr. she said she'll hug me back! yay! haha.

went to eat a a jap restaurant wif daddy and bro. mummy din come. i ate so freaking much!!!!

feel so fat now. sheesh.

[flashes of your shadow]
at Sunday, August 21, 2005

8.19.2005

damn pissed off todae. talked to joan on d fone just now. =(

i used to care. i used to cry.

but i dun anymore.

i thot you, of all ppl would understand.

appearantly you dun.

so, fine.

[flashes of your shadow]
at Friday, August 19, 2005

8.15.2005

anyone has any frigging idea how much singapore sucks?

i noe i do.

i cant stand it here. the stress, the pain, the sufferings... it's all weighing me down. DOWN DOWN DOWN d frigging drain. God. help me. cant take this shit no more. realli at my WITS END! this is total crap. why d FUCK must i be borned here? why didnt mummy agree to daddy and let me be borned in australia? den i could be an aussie. or anything. but not a singaporean. i dun understand. EVERYTHING seems to go against me. realli realli feel lyk giving up and go lie in one corner and rot. den dat could end EVERYTHING. whee! seriously on the verge of losing hope and faith and everything else.

i'm supposed to appreciate. i'm supposed to be grateful. being appreciative and grateful stinks! why must i always supposed do stuff i dun wanna do, feel stuff i dun wanna feel? i hate singapore to the core, and nothing and no one can make me change my mind.

cos it sucks here. period.

[flashes of your shadow]
at Monday, August 15, 2005

8.13.2005

went to dahlia's hse just now.. to discuss zany parade. i woke up at lyk..6.30??? my maid woke me up. so early. huh. so i got outta bed and did my hair and stuff. den i was rushing lyk shit cos i thot i'll be damn bloody late. i was running all over my hse to borrow my mum's choker and find my shorts. decided to wear a skirt den change there. fuck! my frigging skirt was see thru!!! kns! somemore i just had to wear a hot pink thong. perfect. just damn perfect. and my bra was being weird this morning!!!! took so long just to adjust it. den i told miah to pack some cookies and give it to me. i ate on d bus. it was so empty! woots! i love empty buses. not too empty tho. heh. den on d bus i just realized how frigging early i was. i was smsing joce and nic and joan to hurry them. i waited at school bus-stop for..15 mins?? got so many fucking starers. wanna scourge out their eyeballs man. irritated lyk hell. stare wad stare? joan also had her fair share of starers. a cleaner was staring too...lol!!! den we took 10 to dahlia's stop. met nic there and we tried to find our way to dahlia's hse. hahaha.got lost. haha. and got so many dogs. joan was clutching my hand so tight can!!! she was damn freaked out. haha. poor lil'joanffi. so cute. we gave up finally and got joce to call dahlia. she called and we finally got there. heh.

we went up to her room and crapped so much. haha. we were lyk talking abt random stuffs. and me and joan said we cant stand dat cheena euu and moii and luvv and whatever double ii and double uu and double vv irrtating shit. gross gross gross. eww, eww, eww. and dahlia kept saying dat this ---> -______________-" is so cute. lol. me and joan cant stand it. it looks... retarded. sry la. haha. we talked abt d costume and stuff. and d song and cheer. den thot of some steps. heh. damn shit. nic wanted to cycle in as entrance. wad shit la!!! lol! den we cooked our own lunch. mee goreng i think. it's instant. we saw blackie and joan was damn damn damn terrified of it. she called it barkie cos it barks. haha. den to her all dogs in d world can be named barkie la! hahaha!gotta feeling she's scared of all doggies. she's afraid of my puny lil' tasha! kept saying tasha's weird. whatever k. heh. and we sorta messed up d stove area. noodles, seasoning, soya sauce spilt all over. haha. den we put everything in a huge frying pan. haha. den we watched ndp and ate. haha. and me and nic wanna get outta this damn country. cant take it anymore. hate MOE so much. cas and assessments every week. finished one, another comes along. wad shit. but #1: no cash #2: no lodging #3: no passport. hmph. this is so damn crap. but i want to badly. to either australia or america. i dun mind both cos i love both. =) den joce gotta go for tuition. we tried to make her not go but she still went in d end..=(

we went back up to dahlia's room. talk and talk and talk some more. abt d most random stuffs .den dahlia was lyk, ok! from now onwards, we'll discuss abt zany and not get distrcted. lol. onli happened for wad? 15 mins? haha. den we talk and talk and talk more. i put d damn nice purple cloth on my leg and started rubbing against it cos it felt so nice. dahlia kept saying i was masturbating. ??! wth la. and she keeps calling me leong. izzit damn nice to call ppl by their last name??? haha. i dun think so. ah foo. haha. ah tham ah wong ah tay!!!!!!! hahahahahaha!!!! den we were saying how nice it'd be if we haf middle names and nice nice caucasianish last names. =)) dat'll be so damn cool. no more leong. haha. den joan and dahia and nic and me were sharing experiences wif our parents and brothers. haha. joan is super mean to her brothers la. haha. so unfair. whole day whole life get her way... unfair man. if only i'm dat lucky.. oh! den we thot of super crappy slogans for our banner. and we gossiped lyk crazy. haha! joan thot of one for d banner dat was damn funny and cheena and we luffed lyk hell. lol! haha! we left ard...5? cos i needed to go home so i could bathe and dress and go for dinner. haha. and mummy rebonded her hair AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!! SO FREAKING UNFAIR CAN!!!!!! I ALSO WANT!!!!!!!!!!

anyways. on d way back to school, joanffi and me were talking and crapping. shared some experiences abt dolls. freakified. haha. den i changed to 76 to go home took a quick bathe before going. and came back. so damn fast. heh.

[flashes of your shadow]
at Saturday, August 13, 2005

8.11.2005

was over-reacting just now. i'm fine now.=)))

thanks joanffi... ilu loads and loads and loads and loads too!!!!!!<333
thanks so much....

yay! now dat everything's fine, i can get on wif my life.
whee!!!!!!!!!

=)))))))))))))))))))

so damn happi!

[flashes of your shadow]
at Thursday, August 11, 2005

sick. and tired. of everything.

fuck d hell outta here.

leave me alone.

hate my life.

p.s. can we pls frigging go??? all along you gguys want me and joce to go and i haf no guts to do it but now i haf, you dun wanna go anymore????? ARGH!!!! wad's this shit??? can we just GO??????????????

[flashes of your shadow]
at Thursday, August 11, 2005

8.08.2005

hi! just finished bathing. whee! i feel so clean! washed my face twice in the shower cos i dun wanna haf pimples. haha!

went to orchard after school(which ended at 10.30?). we cabbed there cos we dun wanna take the bus and mrt. haha! we were debating whether to watch charlie and the chocolate factory, bewitched or wedding crashers. finally decided to watch d last one. we asked a couple to buy the tix for us. d4en we walked ard and stuff. there were so many ppl and it was freaking crowded so i got damn annoyed. we din noe wad to eat cos EVERY-FREAKING-WHERE was crowded. i'm serious. there were no seats at all. everywhere. God!

finally decided to buy popcorns and nachos and drinks and we sat while waiting for d movie to start. d sign came on dat we could enter the theatre. so we headed to d entrance. there were two guys standing there. i walked up to him and presented the tickets. he tore half and gave it to me. den the other guy asked either joan, nic or joce whether she was 16. den d guy who was handing me the ticket lyk, held it there, waiting for me to answer as well. i nodded and looked irritated. den he gave it to me and we all entered. yayy!!!! haha.

before the movie, they screened a couple of previews. when they were showing the maid, joan lyk, started whimpering. hahaha! there were a few assholes who shrieked and scream. wth. got damn annoyed. haha! i think wedding crashers's kinda nice. haha. me and joan were damn impatient waiting for the juicy scenes. dun freaking haf. huh. boring. there were a lotta fucks, tho. but wad d hell la.

after dat we walked ard. damn boring. ran into my pri school fren at converse. and i saw i new sports bra dat i want in nike. hee hee. den we walked to wisma. boring. den we walked to pacific plaza. also boring. wth la. singapore sucks. i din buy anything. at all. hmph!!!! wanted to get a black cap sleeved at topshop but 6 is too small and 10 is too big. dammit! and d spagetti is lyk super ultra long it can cover my underwear la! huh.

den went to shaw to eat den leave.

wad a damn boring day. seriously think singapore sucks. and my earlobes aching lyk hell cos of my earrings. i think i move my ears too much la.

[flashes of your shadow]
at Monday, August 08, 2005

8.06.2005

i'm kinda happi todae...chatting wif gen now.. talking abt bras. haha!

anyways. went for njc interview todae. it went alriiight.. onli.4 ,male interviewers. you noe how scary??? sheesh. haha. it was kinda fast. d seniors there are nice. hee.

after dat, waited for mummy to pick me. den we went to great world city to eat tea- break and i cut my hair!finally!!!! hahaha. and d asshole salon idiot was insulting my hair!! stupid gay freak. but anyways.. i'm liking it.. haha!i haf fringe! not a lot, but it's still there. haha!

den i went to triumph while mummy went to see workout outfits. she bought two slacks. it's kinda nice.. yay! and d best part is, i can wear them too! whee!

den went to paragon. mummy went to collect her shoes while i went to roxy. nth nice there. huh.den went to the skipping girl shop or smt. stuff there is nice man. wanted to buy a halter. but it doent realli suit me. plus it's damn big. den met daddy and bro den went for dinner. at d jap restaurant. den mummy said my hairband looked damn cheapo(it's from minitoons.) so she said she'll brg me to metro to get nice ones.yay! i din want daddy and bro to come so they went to toys r us den go home while me and mummy went to metro. on d way we stepped into nike. i FINALLY got the halter bra. finally k. waited lyk dunno how long la. one month? haha! but it's white, not black. still. i lyk it so damn much!!!!!! whee!!!!! metro got no hairbands. wth. but went to bra compartment.went to triumph. omg!!! so happi!!! bot two bras there. one is d colourful hawaiian holiday. the other is all black 'cept for some black and orange rings on d strap. whee!!!!!!!!! so happi!!!omg! hahaha! so excited! hee. spent damn long tym there. den wanted to get some g-strings. d woman there wanted to measure my ass k. wtf. so bloody malu can!!!my mummy was luffing her frigging head off. wahlao. izzit dat nice to see your own daughter being so embarrssed????? sheesh. i bot d hot pink thong in d end. haha! it's damn cute. i also bot a black thong to match my black bra! yay! i'm so happi!!! haha!

den went home. on d way mummy was playing mariah carey's album. we turned the volume up so damn loud and we were singing "we belong together" at d top of our lungs! hahaha! it's so funni la. hahahahaha. so loud k.

haha.

*i miss ya...

[flashes of your shadow]
at Saturday, August 06, 2005

7.31.2005

i'm damn sad..
ytd had gen's farewell pary at ann's condo. gen nic joce met at 9 at my hse to put on make up and stuff. waited for joan..
ard 10 we left. we shopped and took neos when we went to heeren...that'll be d last of them...=((
met grace soh and dahlia and grace tan. went to marche to eat. dahlia refused to wear a racer back. damn bad.
we ate and talked there. dawn came. played luffing game. me and grace tan are the worst. i won her by 3 seconds.whoo!!! den played this game dawn taught us. its lyk you haf to guess a number from 1 to 100. if you get it right den you haf to eat this gross thing. we mixed tartar sauce wif wild mushroom soup, ham and chicken crepe, ice, strawberry espirit, and lots and lots of salt and pepper. gross and disgusting. dahlia ate three forkfulls. gen ate two. den we played truth of dare. i was first la!! den had to lick the whole damn plate up. eww.
den went to shop ard at tangs and pacific plaza. nic paid half for my roxy bag!!! yayy!!! den went to wisma den headed to tenah merah<--sp?. first part we played in the pool and walked ard the estate. it is so nice and so un-singapore!!!! damn nice la..so barbie-ish.
den we came back. played 007 and ate. and fetched joan from mrt. we presented a powerpoint and sang two songs. one was billy s by skye sweetnam, gen's favourite, but we chaged the lyrics. here's how it goes:

Cheena –pok Land
*to the tune of Billy S by Skye Sweetnam

Without Gen, Monday mornings suck
It’s way too boring without your laugh
Why go China just like that?
Genffi Genffi, no! You know we will miss your hugs, woo!

You don’t need to go cheena-pok land
Meet Jackie Chan or Caucasians
What it’s like without you in our lives
Don’t wanna break up, don’t go!

What is wrong with Singapore?
Don’t forget, we’re still your friends
Why go China just like that?
Genffi, Genffi, no! You know we will miss your boobs, woo!

We don’t ask of you to be perfect
We like it just the way you are
We quarrel sometimes, but we always make up
Cant we stay the best of friends?

Get out, get out, get out, get out, woo!Get out, get out, get out, get out!To skip or not to skip? that is the question.Get out, get out, get out, get out, woo!Get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out,Get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out!

You don’t need to go cheena-pok land
Meet Jackie Chan or Caucasians
What it’s like without you in our lives
Don’t wanna break up, don’t go!

We don’t ask of you to be perfect
We like it just the way you are
We quarrel sometimes, but we always make up
Cant we stay the best of friends?

and a barney song:

gen loves boobs
we love hugs
dat's why we give boobie hugs
wif a great sweet friend lyk you in our lives
don't you think you ought to stay.

gen cried. den i went over to hug her. den we decided to go to d pantry to cry. joan joce nic came too. we locked the door. i hugged gen for so long and cried on each other's shoulders. damn sad. den we finally let go to wash our face. everyone was crying. joce was wailing.. we stopped finally and decided we should go out now. but when we open the door we realised we were not strong enough.we closed the door agn. den we were telling gen how miserable our lives would be without her. so sad..

gen and i were supposed to lyk grow up together and go jc and university together and share hostel and look for boyfriends together and give birth together and i call my daughter roxanne and she call hers chloe. it's not going to happen.all of it. not going to happen. all our dreams shattered. i was so damn sad.. and without gen who else will force us to do stupid action ofor neos? who else will cheer us up? who else will go so happy go lucky? who else should i confide in? who else should i tell my deepest darkest secrets??? who???? argh!!!!!! realli dun want her to go... it's so freaking sudden! damn!

den joan cried until she vomitted. finally got out of the stuffy pantry to the toilet. humiliating. den we cried there. hugged each other. almost everyone cried. ally chesed shiren ameera grace soh syazzie came in. it's so sad. everyone was crying la. gosh.. i could not stop crying. i din want her to go. at all. i wanted her to stay... i'll miss her and her hugs and her laughter and her smiles and her crap and her kisses and her voice and her existence in school. i was crying my heart out.

den decided to haf a sleepover at my place. nic's granny's birthday, so she could not and joce too so gen and joan came. went over to gen's hse first and waited for her. it was ard 12 when we reached my hse.

me and joan bathed, den we talked and gen was online and waited for dahlia to wake up to send us powerpoint but she din wake up. so we turned the com off and lied on the bed.. gen read the black book dat the class wrote and ours too.. den talked and talked until we slept.

joan left early to go for church. joce could not come over so nic came. chatted wif joce online. went to the playground. played until gen parents came. we thot it was d end. d last tym we saw her. so me ands nic sat down and talked. gosh. damn depressing. den came back home and talked some more. den chatted wif joce agn. and dahlia taught me how to conference!!!! whoopee!!! thank you!
gen's coming to sch tmr b4 she leaves! 7 to 7.45!!!! yay!!!!!!

[flashes of your shadow]
at Sunday, July 31, 2005

Nic's at my hse now. we're feeling damn super depressed and fucked up.
made a list of things we hate abt life.

1)seperations and goodbyes
2)pimples
3)having false hopes high
4)getting hopes and dreams crashed
5)clique quarrels
8)selfish assholes
7)bitchy teachers
8)stress
9)exams
10)not getting things your way
11)having misunderstandings
12)taking ppl for granted when they are there
13)school
14)boyfriendlessness
15)dissapointments
16)having strict parents
17)rules
18)public presentation
19)sicknesses
20)criticism
21)no freedom
22)inperfection
23)not being super pretty
24)ppl leaving
25)time flies when we're having the tym of our lives but she slow when we're suffering
26)lonliness
27)bordom
28)suffering
29)ccas
30)SINGAPORE

life's sucha bitch

* can you pls stay? we love you so much.. how can you go just lyk dat??? it's WAY too sudden...

[flashes of your shadow]
at Sunday, July 31, 2005

7.28.2005

Gen's last day todae!! =(((

so sad. we spent our last recess in the classroom helping her to give out featherpens. haha. her trademark.
after school went to joce place. had photoshoot. bloody motherfucking embarrassing thing happened there. tho i din show it, i was fucking embarrassed. wad d hell la. fuckkit. eeps! blushing now dat i'm thinking of it man. kns la. fuck.
but overall, was quite fun.

*still disturbed by it. =(((((((

[flashes of your shadow]
at Thursday, July 28, 2005

7.25.2005

i'm looking out of my window... d sky's so gloomy. dun lyk it.
had dance but i din do anything. just sat down and studied geog. haf test tmr. it's official. stephanie leong, you're dead meat la. damn. i just read thru...cant concentrate. just haf so much stuff on my mind la. gosh...

[flashes of your shadow]
at Monday, July 25, 2005

7.24.2005

my heart's flutterin...
i dunno wad's wrong wif me...
puzzling.
just went to the perfect man website... i love the soundtrack. definitely gonna get it...
the njc test ytd was ok... i think it's lyk a joke. they lyk ask you if you take drugs and smoke and other stuff... and they ask if you are satisfied with your figure or weight or smt lyk dat.. hahaha...
the next step is d interview.. then they decide.. lyk 50 wont get in la... gosh... i'm praying so hard... i dun wanna be part of dat 50 ppl...
i'm scared..

[flashes of your shadow]
at Sunday, July 24, 2005

7.18.2005

omg omg omg omg omg omg!!!!!!!!!! i'm selected for njc next round!!!!!!!!!!!!!! woots!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! omg omg omg omg omg omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i feel so happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! whee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[flashes of your shadow]
at Monday, July 18, 2005

7.15.2005

hi!!!! i wanted to blog tmr but decided to do it todae!! haha!

[tue]
went to joce hse. me gen joan and nic. damn fun. did art. mdm seah was pmsing lyk shit.wad d hell. anyways. realized we all did wrongly so we went to joce hse to do together. ate chicken rice and talked for a while and den do art. den me and gen went to the gym to run. cos it was pe day but i was sick, so could not run. i dun wanna be unfit, so i ran on d treadmill. it's so much easier. i wish 2.4 is on treadmill. dat would so rawk man!!! den went to playground. met d cutest lil'elf there. his name is benjamin. he realli looks lyk my bro. big tym la. we played freeze and monkey wif him. before he came we were playing king's castle. damn damn damn damn fun man. love it. i found him so cute dat i decided to video him. and snap a pic. hahahaha. den went home.

[wed]
it is a boring day. and ms rosalie is annoying.

[thu]
went to joce hse agn. this tym w/o gen. she got tuition. darn it. we did geog. boring boring boring. started on drama!! hahahaha... kiasu ppl. hahaha!! anyways. decided to slack a little and go to d playground agn. fun fun fun!!!!!! din see d cute elf tho. sad. but still. damn fun!!!!!! it was raining weirdly. heavy, light, stop, light,heavy,stop, light and blah blah blah. you get d picture. so we decided to play hide and seek. haha. lame. felt so embarrassed cos there are a couple of tkss and tkgs pplthere. i found the most PERFECT but STUDIDEST place to hide. guess where? under d security gaurd table.

you noe how freaking LAME i felt??????? SUPER la!!!! dammit. and ppl who were working out in d gym could see me la!!some ppl were staring. but it is d most perfect plce to hide!!!! whee!!!! until. d mean bad security gaurd slam d table with his hand on top of my head and told me to get out. hahahahaha. i ran to d ballroom to hide. he also told me to get out. wad d hell la. den i pathetically hid behind a pillar. asshole la!!! den i saw joan. we waved. she told me to come. so i ran over. and we were luffin lyk mad ppl. hahahahahaha!!!!!! den funny and lame and weird and cool and fun la!!! den we hid behind some steps sitting on d soil. how mush more gross can it get???? omg, ew ew ew....den we decided we need to pee. so we ran to find toilet. darn it. saw nic and joce. (joce is d seeker. nic just came out cos she thot we were all caught. haha.) den we ran back to our hiding place. it was a looooooong while until they found us. yay! finally. whateverr. kinda lame now thinking abt it. but still damn fun. by then it was raining heavily so we decided to go home. had a VERY VERY VERY VERY BAD headache and my eyes were damn pain on d way home. felt irritated. crashed on d sofa w/o bathing. hahaha. felt better on friday.

[fri]
went to nic hse after school. we haf d same tutor. we decided to surprise her. damn funny la. videod the whole thing...hahahahahaha!!!!! watched it more then 10 times already. damn damn damn damn funny...all 3 of us (me nic and laoshi) were screaming and jumping up and down. damn cool!!!!!! den wrote d skit and acted it out. plot's simple. den we played some games in nic's garden lyk fisheman's net and freeze. den gen and gen played badminton.i think they are good. den me nic joce were at her swing playing and talking... revealed some stuff....but i cant tell! sworn to secrecy!!! *winks*den we cabbed home. tired now. one whole busy week.. =))

gen's leaving in8 days. i dun want her to go...

[flashes of your shadow]
at Friday, July 15, 2005

7.04.2005

went joce hse todae...din do much, but t'was fun fun fun!!!!hahaha.. woke up early... guess sometimes i'm more of a morning person den a night person..heh..

anyway.. gen offered to give me a ride to jocee hse..yay! she told me to be at my condo's main gate at 6.30. you noe smt? i was rushing lyk mad to be there by 6.30cos i took my own sweet tym to eat and i kept dilly-dally-ing.hahaha.. and you noe smt? gen was late. i rushed for nth. again! dammit! argh!!!! it was raining,and my maid just brought down one umbrella, wif a tiny hole in it. wad kinda shit is this?? den obviously i got wet rite? plus i was wearing my mummy's brand new island shop flip-flops. it got wet, obviously.. when i got down already and waited for a little while, i smsed gen. guess wad? she was still at home doing God-knows-wad. walao! and mymaid kept trying to snatch d umbrella away from me, cos i wanted more shelter. crap man!!!! was super super pissed off...den finally gen came. yay!!! so reached at d main gate at 8 on d dot. haha..

while we waited for nic we played uno stacko...haha. gen lost...she was screaming lyk a mad woman.. den nic came. an hour late, i might add. so we swam...d slide was damn fun... me and gen hugged each other as we slid down...hahaha..damn cool.. den we persuaded nic to get in d water...when she finally did, we went to d deep pool. i noe it was only 1.5m and i'm 1.625m, but i thot i was drowning..dat freaking gen made it worse by hugging me.. i was so SCARED!!!!! i thot i was going to die!!!!!!!!! and this was not how i wanted to die!!!! and she wrappped her leg ard mine and went so high up, it touched my...um..you-noe-wad. i started shrieking lyk a mad ass and was lyk, I'M DYING!!!! I'M DROWNING!!! STOP!!! GEN!!! PLEASE STOP!!! I'M BEGGING YOU!!!!! but do you think it worked? of course not. i'd just wasted my breath AND my effort. struggled lyk mad to get outta d pool.. dammit...we sat down at some seats at d deep side of d pool. i was still trying VERY HARD to get over my panic, when gen opened her BIG mouth and told me dat if there was a war, i'ld be d 1st one to die. thanks a lot. den we swam back to d shallow end. naturally, i was d slowest cos i was clutching to d edge of d pool as if my life depended on it.hahaha.den we sat at d shallow side.. played truth or dare..for once truths were more fun than dare...hahaha..damn funny and cool.

after a while, we went up to joce hse to bathe and cook instant noodles..nic bathed first den me. while i bathed someone helped me to cook..yipee!!!! den when i came out, i ate.. kinda soggy.cos d soup's absorbed..haha. den while waiting for gen, we played uno stacko.. joce lost.. den we played wif gen twice den we played cards den we ordered pizza hut and watched christmas wif d kranks. very funny. but not touching. yea..den we left..

yay! i wanna do it more often...too bad gen's leaving..but she says she's coming back next chinese new year..yipee!!!!

[flashes of your shadow]
at Monday, July 04, 2005

7.01.2005

hi.. went to gen's hse just now... i was on d webcam..aisha and joce saw me...whee!!! haha.. but i noe i look damn sucky...din bath when i came home from school... just ate den crashed on my sofa den went online... told gen i wanna go to her hse..she said ok.. so i passed her a worksheet, monkey business and a bar of chocolate from miss rosalie.or izzit rosalind? whoops. haha..

she was in her rents bedroom... on d com.. so i chatted wif joce and aisha for a while...den we watched monster-in-law there...it's nice..din get to finish it..left d dvd wif gen..hope she will rmb to bring to joce hse on mon...hahaha...remember ok, genffi...

i'm bored...chatting wif kell..but she left to watch a hong kong show... wad hong kong show? haha..

till then!

[flashes of your shadow]
at Friday, July 01, 2005

6.29.2005

HAPPY 14TH BIRTHDAY, GEN!!!!
ILU, ILU, ILU!!!

school todae was d same old boring stuff... haha. after dat went to park mall to eat fish and co. food took so long to be served..haha..joan was lyk, customer is always right. den when i wanted to ask them to hurry, she dun let.hahahaha!!! den there's this big ant on d table and joce was shrieking la... hahahaha!!!! she dare not even lyk, kill it..hahaha..joan killed it and wanted joce to touch it.. poor lil joceffi...hahaha...

after we made a toast. so we asked for water to toast. i said, happy birthday gen. may you haf a safe trip to china.
den we were lyk, CHEERS!!!!!! den dat gen extra extra said, WHOOHOO!!! wad d hell la. restaurant leh. proper etiquette gen. proper ettiquette. we were so freaking embarrassed cos there were lyk one whole bunch of ajc ppl behind..but it also wasnt lyk they had proper ettiquette. huh.

after dat on d way to d mrt station i learntt smt abt myself..not realli myself. my body...yay!! i'm so happi!! hahahahaha. wad crap. den went to cine, got pissed off wif d neoprint shop asshole, den went to heeren den went for tuition. 1/2 an hour late. whoops. hahaha.. whateverr.

=))

[flashes of your shadow]
at Wednesday, June 29, 2005

6.25.2005

waiting for my tutor to come. she's always so goddamn bloody late. huh.

anyway. ytd, was at njc. i hung ard wif jana. met so many rosythians and learning lab ppl.. got a couple from tkg..

d tests were damn hard!!! kns!! d first one was iq test.. 60 questions. 20 mins. what's dat la??? thank God the first few questions were easy. d last 4, i really cant do. and no tym. so in d end, i anyhow shade. oh man.

d break was super super frustrating!! think we were released at lyk..ard 10.3o+. supposed to rtn at 12.45. me and jana din noe where to go..so we just stupidly follow a couple of ppl also trying out for ip. led us to a bus stop. din noe wad bus to take. and we were too pai seh to ask other ppl for directions. bus 157 came but we din take. in d end we took cab. asked d cabbie to bring us to d nearest MCdonald's. realized we could haf simply took 157. felt realli realli dumb!!! it was damn crowded. we ordered our food and ate. thot we were late and was rushing lyk mad. thot it was 12.45 already. jana said it didnt realli matter if we were just a teeny bit late. but was still rushing. at 12.50, we left our food and ran to d bus stop. under d rain, i might add. irritating. missed a bus. was pissed off. we flagged a cab again. told him to hurry up as we were damn late. it was onli after i said dat when i looked at my watch and realized we were almost an hour EARLIER!!!! felt so freaking stupid!!! argh!! dammit. so we just walked ard d school to pass tym.

d math test was sucky and so is d english test. lost so many marks. dammit. it's so shit. confirm not getting into next round, not to mention in njc.

oh wells. nevermind! =))

i shall just stay in tkgs!=D

[flashes of your shadow]
at Saturday, June 25, 2005

6.22.2005

whee! went to wild wild wet todae.wif gen, joce and nic. joan has a lot of work to do so she cant come.. wasnt as nice as last tym cos now is d hols and it is super super crowded. yuckk. i hate crowds. it aint lyk..concert kinda crowds but d queues are damn long. especially d ular lah one. cos dat it d nicest. whee!

um.. ok.. first we took d slide. um..think it's called waterworks. i was freaking out tho i took it before... haha..but in d end when i slide down wasnt dat scary..tho i got stuck. damn scared...wad if i get stuck there forever? so i lyk tried to use my hands to push.. onli moved a lil'. heh. finally gave up and lied down. appearently dat made me slide down...whoopee!! so i lied down d whole while until i slide off..

den we took d ular lah. d queue wasnt as long..so we chatted while we waited.and sorta hunted for cute caucasians.. none in sight. darn it. ok. here comes d embarrassing part. d worker at d ular lah ride asked for 4 ppl. so d 4 of us were lyk, "me! me! me!" den we saw those guys were chinese and not so..um..ok. i shant say. anyways. when we saw them we were lyk, "dun want! dun want! " hahaha! i noe its mean..regretted doing it.. wad if i were one of those two guys? wont i be hurt? felt damn mean.. d looks on their faces.. they looked hurt. lyk they were not good enouf or whatever.ughh... i hate it when i do or say things without thinking. i feel damn insensitive. gosh. den it was finally our turn. we requested those employees to allow us to go down d slide just us 4. he allowed! yay! den during d whole ride we were trying to look for d camera cos we wanted to buy d photo. we finally saw a machine so we posed at it. den we saw anther machine dat turned out to be d camera...hahaha.. so stupid man.. so d camera shot us posing for d wrong machine... i dunno wad dat machine which we posed at for.haha. looked very very stupid. very.

wanted to go agn but d queue was WAY too long.. so we went to d lazy river. d floats are free!!! we dun haf to pay for them anymore!!woots! hahaha. i sound so bloody cheapskate. dat aint good.hahaha.we finally found two floating floats. me and nic grabbed one and joce and gen grabbed another one dragged them to the stairs to sit on it. den from there we had NO FREAKING IDEA how to get into d waves part. cos d water flows forward. stimulated by dunno wad. haha. a cute guy push gen and joce. an ah peh pushed me and nic..wad's dat??? huh.. bloody freaking unfair!!! hmph. halfway thru i dunno how, but i dropped off.. nic had d whole float to herself la. tho everyone tried to hoist me up, but sadly, d attempts were FRUITLESS!!! haha. should've captured a shot og gen's face. she was lyk, "go stephy, c'mon! up! up! up!" hahaha!!! finally gave up. this kind sweet woman gave me her float. yay! yay! yipee!yipee!yay! yay! she taught me how to get on it...it worked!!! i finally managed to get on it..haha!! den joce found a float and she got on it, so 4 of us held hands! whee!!! and we were lyk singing at d top of our voices! haha!!! so fun!!

we went for two round before getting out to d wave pool. over there so boring cos when we went, the waves stopped. wad is dat la?? darn it. after a while we got out..over there, there were a few accidents with our swimsuits, if you noe wad i mean... *smiles myteriously* heh.

next we went to d samsung slide up ride. ARGH!!!!!!!!! dat. was scary. kns. i'm so stupid to listen to joce!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!! SO BLOODY SCARY!!!!!!!!! omg omg omg omg omg omg!!!!!!!!!!! eeeekk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!í'm breating in and out now. super freaked. oh man. first, we had trouble bringing dat bid bafoonish thing up 3 FREAKING FLIGHTS OF STAIRS! i chickened and wanted to climb back down but joce din allow me.. omg omg omg omg omg omg..i'm still freaked!!!!! den when we went up, two lady employees were tending to d ride. i screamed at their faces that i was scared. and i jumped up and down and up and down.. was so freaked!!!having trouble typing now cos i am luffing so hard abt it. i acted lyk a total ass. anyway. d two women finally got me settled down. i was still screaming at d top of my lungs. one of the woman stared at me lyk i was a mad crazy asshole and d other asked joce to tell me to shut up. i was squirming abt, and still screaming. imagine dat. gosh. one of the women taught us to sit. i was still squirming and freaking out. she slouched and gave dat bo chap bochap cant be bothered face and splashed water at both of us. we were supposed to put our legs below each other's armpits la. hahahahaha!!! so freaking funny.
den when they were getting ready to push us i started screaming as if d ridestarted. cos i thot it had. but it hadnt. d funny thing was, during d ride and wasnt screaming. i was crying. cos i was so scared... omg omg omg!!! it is as if you are dangling midair!!!!!! freaking scary!!!!!! cant stand. never going to ever ever ever ever take dat ride agn. hmph. argh!!!! so scary!!!!!!! after dat while waiting for nic and gen i thot i was going to puke.. so scared!!!! but in d end i din. whee!

den we took another round at d lazy river before playing at d playground? think it is called yakult. a few guys kept splashing us.. assholes. we sat on all d sides. it was supposed to be one person at a tym but we formed a train and went down together!!!! hahaha! totally hilarious can!!! it was nic den me den gen den joce. hahaha! and there was this slide where gen and joce sat and me and nic sat. super fun. wanted to go backwards but an employee stopped us.. hahaha!!! super super super fun fun fun!!!!!! den we wanted to go to ular lah agn. but d queue was WAY too long. so sat at d playground to discuss wad to eat for dinner. cant believe orchard got no fish and co. kns la.

ard 4++ we bathed shaared cubible. me and nic and gen and joce. awkward. seriously. but funny too. we were both stripped and were lyk, "dun look! dun look!"hahaha!!! den went to orchard.

we bot engaved rings, ate dinner, walked ard, den left. spent a total of 8 hrs together. definitely gonna do it agn... oh! and we all almost died. so scary!!! second tym. d same 4 of us.. jaywalked.. cos d traffic light so far away..i thot d coast was clear so we all walked. almost got ran over.. so scary.. so many cars honking at us la!!! gosh.. but it was... thrilling, tho. hee. a small small minute adventure. yayy! cos i din die!!!! woots!!!!!

the next tym...hopefully...wif joan?
i miss joanffi!!!!

p.s. kellyn rawks my world!!!! ilu!!! muacks!

[flashes of your shadow]
at Wednesday, June 22, 2005